Winda

Translated from Bahasa Indonesia

Introduction

My name is Winda, I am 32 years old. I come from Bandung, West Java, and joined Yayasan Gaya Dewata at the start of 2022. I moved to Bali in 2020, before Corona. The reason for moving alone, I wanted to find my identity as a transgender person. In Bandung, there is still religion, there is a lot of discrimination and stigma, that's why I wanted to leave. And I found out that in Bali the majority of people are more open-minded towards LGBT, so I decided to move here. 

Identity

There were several different factors that led me to realize that I am transgender. I was a victim of sexual harassment. I was a victim of sodomy until I  liked a man. That's when I realized my true character. But, due to my position in Bandung, I didn’t have the courage to open myself up. I didn’t dare to go all out (present myself as a woman).

Happiness

What makes me happy is being myself. I identified that "I'm a girl. I'm not a boy, I'm a girl." I am a woman, even though I was born a man. It makes my identity more confident, more all out, more open.

Discrimination

Even before the transition to being a woman, there was already discrimination. When I lived in Bandung, I would wear men's clothing and give off a feminine impression. 

When I first moved to Bali, I transitioned. I had to consult a psychiatrist. to find out who I really am. There were three meetings. The first was an interview, the second was a psychological test, and the third was receiving the results. And within those results, they told me: "You are transgender." And after changing, and transitioning to transgender, is there still discrimination? Of course, there is! Through social media mainly. In fact, my family didn't even know until I finally told them that I was transgender a few months ago. I'm more focused now on being open with my parents. And finally, my parents are slowly accepting me for who I am.

Challenges

It's more about acceptance and placement. What is the acceptance of ourselves in a new place, what is our placement in new places?  And for the challenge, how do we educate the public that their conceptions about us are wrong. Because, after all, transgender people are human. Transgender is not the devil. Transgender people deserve to be treated well. But they think that transgender people are trash from society. So, how do we educate the public? That's our challenge.

It's a challenge because we live in Indonesia where discrimination still exists. Due to lack of understanding,  people can be judgmental about transgender people.  Nowadays, we have to explain it individually, which takes time. Sometimes there is a problem, but most can accept it sooner or later. Even if it's a slow process, we provide education about what LGBT is and the issue slowly lessens.

Regret

One thing that I regret: I was born a boy. That's all.

Inspirational figures

My Mother. When I told her the first time: “Mom, I'm transgender. I'm sorry I've changed." 

She said: “It's okay. After all, you are mama's boy. Just one thing, with becoming a woman, you have to treat yourself like a woman. Know your manners, dignity, and what a woman's crown looks like. Dress as politely as possible, behave as elegantly as possible so that people know who you really are." My Mother is my inspiration.

Message to the World

For young people who are going through a transition: one, be yourself. Be happy, because happiness is not in the hands of other people, but in our own hearts. Whatever it is that makes you feel free, lest you feel locked in a burden that cannot be released. 

Look for environments that can support change. Look for people who accept you as you are, because that's where the key is, where your confidence will increase. Stay away from toxic people. When the time is right, they will come around and accept you for who you are. That's all.