Bimbim

Translated from Bahasa Indonesia

Introduction

My name is Bimbim; Wayan Bimbim. I'm a recovering drug addict and also the co-founder and chairman of Movement of Recovery Foundation.  Currently, I'm also the co-founder of Bali Bersama Bisa which is  an umbrella organization for several friends who are voicing mental health.  It is a safe place where we can come together to voice our needs in the field of mental health. Our goal is to break the stigma about addiction and mental health. 

About Movement of Recovery

Movement of Recovery is a platform where people in recovery can find a place to share their journey, recover, and also inspire each other,  one addict in recovery to another. So we promote positive lifestyle choices without the use of drugs and alcohol. We also provide information and education for individuals and families who need help with addiction and mental health. We have a directory of rehabilitation centers throughout Indonesia.

Experience with Drugs

It started at a very early age: 15 years old. First I got into alcohol, then I got into drugs. I come from a good family. My father was a teacher, and my mother was a government employee working in education. Everything was good, like a normal family. But one day there was an incident ... My father had a brain tumor, and suddenly, after the surgery, he went blind. From there,  issues started to pop up within the family.  To escape I turned to alcohol.  I know now, my escape was wrong. When I got into alcohol and drugs it felt like there was no problem. But that was my way out. So it continued, and until drugs were no longer a way out for me. Drugs eventually became a problem that I couldn't overcome. "Where do I go? How can I stop this?" 

Finally I reached out, to my mom. She didn't know what to do. All she could do was try to help me by locking me in at home. And eventually it worked! And I was able to quit. 

When I was 20 years old, I got a job.  I found a new environment and was fine for some time. I didn't touch drugs for 14 years. 

But I fell back into the same hole. I relapsed after my parents died. Falling for the second time, really, is worse than the first one. Finally, I got into trouble and went to prison. When I got out of prison, I was confused. “Why’s it so hard to stop? I can't do it by myself.” Finally I sought help again, and coincidentally there was a government rehabilitation program. So I tried it. In 2018, I entered rehabilitation.

MOR is based on our personal experience. there are two founders. One is Nev, a foreigner living in Bali, and myself. We are both addicts in recovery. Both with the same background, experience, and both finding recovery. So the initiative arose because I felt I had been helped by others through my recovery. I wanted to return that help, for others that may need it .

Challenges during the recovery

We will always have the urge to do those things again. To fall back into old habits. But thankfully, because we are in the recovery program. We finally have tools and ways to overcome relapse. The biggest challenge is community stigma. It had a huge impact on me. When I got out of prison the community was afraid to see me. I was labeled as a “criminal” even though I went because of addiction. That's how society stigmatizes it. And when I sought help, rehabilitation, I returned to the community and the sense of stigma still remained. It still exists. 

That's also one of the reasons why we built MOR so that we have a place where friends who have the same thing have a place to be heard, and inspire each other. We host "Peer support groups" where we give each other reinforcement and share information about what we go through every day. The goal is to get support from friends who have experienced the same thing and have the same goal: to recover. From addiction and from mental health issues. 

Discrimination

I'm in a circle, an environment of friends who understand my addiction. We were taught to stay focused on recovery. Because, the people who discriminate against me don't understand. They don't understand what I go through every day. It's a struggle. If I focus on the comments or discrimination from the surrounding community, I’ll just hurt myself again. I'd rather focus on myself and help my friends who are trying to recover. But that way, slowly, I can share my journey and educate people that this is a disease. It's a disease that needs  help to overcome it. So yes, the habit, especially for people in Bali, and especially Indonesia, is that our mindset still chooses to save face. Saving face rather than saving ourselves. So, that's what we educate every day. "It's okay to feel like that" but, there is help that we can reach. 

The hardest thing is when someone has suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts. When people share that with someone who doesn't understand mental health, they are told "Well, it's okay. You just need to be stronger." Because we're a religious country, "Try praying more." Things like that are really wrong. When we ask for help and we get a response like that, it's like I'm not being heard. Why do we speak out about mental health, with friends who are experiencing these issues, because that way we can change/break the stigma about addiction and mental health. If we don't voice it, people won't know. That's why we created the MOR platform so that we can speak out and provide information and education that addiction and mental health is a disease, and there is a way out. There is help. 

Coming out of Dark Times

So what helped me to rise from hitting the rock bottom was when I honestly admitted that I had a problem. I have a problem. At that time, what helped me move on was just realizing I had a problem, then being honest with my family or other people. When other people who are experiencing the same thing, I reach out, I say: "I need help." That's what ultimately helped me to find recovery. So the main key is honesty. I was honest, I admitted that I had a problem. And secondly, being open to help. Open minded. The third is action, willingness to help myself. That's what finally allowed me to recover. What helps me now is helping others. I help others to help myself. When that happens, when I can help people, my pride and self-esteem is there. Where I used to feel like I was useless, the term that is often used is the scum of the earth, being in and out of jail, things like that slowly diminished from me when I found my pride again helped others. It's not easy, but it can be done.

Happiness

The people around me, that's what makes me happy. But with this life journey I got, I think, when I'm in the deepest hole in my life, the main person that stays beside me is myself. What makes me happy now is that I'm comfortable with myself. I don't need drugs, I don't need alcohol to make myself happy. 

My happiness used to be measured by a big house, a fancy car, a good career. Now, happiness for me is simple. When I can do something for others, I feel happy. When I feel comfortable with myself. The most important thing that I got, the most valuable thing that I got during this journey is: happiness for me is when I accept whatever comes in my day without having to divert it by using drugs and alcohol.

Message for the World

I don’t tell people to stop using. Because no one will listen. Because it's good. But I will keep providing information, telling them what I've experienced, to keep instilling in their minds that help is out there. So, my message is, if all of you are experiencing something, which is not good, please reach out. There is help out there. 

My dream is to be a pilot, I don't want to be an addict. But that's the way of life. Let's help people to help themselves. Honesty, open-mindedness that help is there, the desire to seek help. That's the beauty of life. Everybody has their plus and minus sides in themselves, but together- together we can all help each other.